unfinished story... cont'd

it's been 15 days since surgery.

i'm still sore, still in pain, but trying to overcome it.

will have the results in just a few days - praying all is well.

waiting hasn't been easy... especially knowing that chemo will be starting soon.

how does one prepare for chemo?

not sure anyone really knows... they say be strong, positive... easier said than done these days.
the past 3 weeks have been hell - no need to sugar coat anything.
not being able to pick up my children has killed me.

how does one stay strong and positive?
'they' say look to your faith to get through this.  
i pray and pray and pray but sometimes i don't feel like anyone is listening.
it's easy to feel hopeless - alone.
my family and friends have been a blessing - encouraging - loving.
still... the anxiety, panic attacks and fear feel like an every day occurrence
now.  all i want to do is get through this - to 'wait' it out for the next 3-4 months and all will be okay... as much as i want it to be that simple - i know my life will forever be changed.

both kids have been sick - bad colds and brynleigh with an ear infection.
poor colton has bad congestion and a cough and my heart breaks for him.
i was holding him the other day and even though he was coughing (and probably
miserable) he still smiled away like he was the happiest baby ever.
right then, as i was holding him, i decided i want to be more like him.
amazing what a 3 month old can teach you...
that no matter how miserable i am - i want to smile/laugh through it.