my unfinished story

this blog was originally started for my first love, Brynleigh.

i wanted something for her to have when she got older - to share her first

years of life - afterall, it's the most precious time and yet, as we get older our memories

don't seem to go back that far.

as we got the news about having another love - i told myself i needed to get back

to writing - to document feelings/thoughts as i did with her.

unfortunately time was never on my side : pregnancy made me tired, running after a 2 year old made me tired - let's face it, getting up to walk made me tired.

the pregnancy : the birth : the first 12 weeks

it all went so fast - it's like i never had the opportunity to update the blog...

to say how much i'm in love with our little man, to say how blessed i feel to have 2 beautiful children, to share the funny moments, the not so funny moments, to write something that would, one day, be read by my son to let him know how much love we have for him - just like i did for brynleigh.  with that said - i've made a promise to myself to write and document as much as i can moving forward.  with that, i'll start with my unfinished story :

our handsome little man was born November 5, 2013

colton riley wilson

never thought i could feel the same love i felt for brynleigh - but i did.

i was in awe - looking into his little eyes, holding his little hands, seeing his little smile - my life felt complete.  seeing brynleigh smile and say 'hi baby colton' just melted my heart.  when they say no two babies are the same - they ain't lying!  he was a handful when it came to feeding but we worked past it and at his 2 month appt he was already at 14lbs - our little chunky monkey!

dray and i discussed not having any more children - we got our girl, we got our boy - now let's enjoy the four of us.  i decided to get my tubes tied - i had no idea, at the time, that would be one of the most important decisions of my life.

on january 8th i went in for the tubal ligation. while in there the doc noticed a large mass protruding out of my right ovary - knowing my desire to not have anymore children, she went ahead and removed the mass, the ovary and part of the fallopian tube.   no worries and knew it would be a few days recovery time and all would be back to normal.  a few weeks after surgery i realized i wasn't healing as i thought i should and was still in pain.  called the doc and went in to get checked on january 20th.  she stated all seemed to be healing fine and the pain is probably from not taking it as easy as i should've in the beginning ('taking it easy' is a foreign phrase when you have a 2.5 year old and a 2 month old!)  she then went on to tell me the pathology report came back on the mass and my ovary - and right then - i was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  did i just hear her right?  was this a mistake?  i couldn't move - i tried to ask questions but the words wouldn't come out.  she let me know she made me an appointment with an oncologist for the following morning.  i remember calling dray as soon as i got in the car - he was on his way to dallas for business meetings all week - i didn't want to tell him to turn around, to come back home, to hold my hand through the oncologist meeting the next day... i didn't have to... he turned right around and came back home to be with me.

january 21st we met with the oncologist.  he answered a lot of our questions and stated the pathology report came back as an invasive mucinous carcinoma.  not only was the tumor cancerous but cancer cells were found in my ovary and it was staged as IC. He stated this type of cancer usually comes from the colon, appendix or the ovary itself and in order to better stage the cancer - several things needed to be done over the next few weeks... CT Scan, colonoscopy and surgery.  I had a CT Scan that Thursday and a colonoscopy last Friday.

we met back with the oncologist on wed january 29th - the ct scan showed no additional abnormalities in my abdomen and the colonoscopy came back clean - for a brief moment i was relieved - then he goes on to say the next step is surgery and chemo.  surgery to properly stage the cancer which entails removing the other ovary, fallopian tube, uterus, cervix, appendix, lymph nodes and the fatty tissue that lines the inside of the abdomen.  chemo because the original pathology reported stage IC.  

I had the surgery last Friday with only spending one night in the hospital.  he did tell dray that while in there he noticed the same type of tumor coming out of my left ovary (but much smaller) - so that just goes to show you how fast these tumors can grow and come out of no where (wasn't there on January 8th) so we just have to wait for the test results and are scheduled to meet back with him on feb 18th to go over everything and then i will start chemo : 6 rounds, 1 every 3 weeks.  this is if everything stays as is - if something comes back on any of the biopsy's taken then a new path of treatment will be discussed.

wow - a lot to take in over 2 weeks.

this has been the longest 2 weeks of my life - as i'm sure the next 3-4 months will feel the same.

staying positive and strong is hard but i'm trying to do it... for me, my children, my husband, my family.  the hardest part is not being able to care for my children right now - and asking for help... i have to heal and i know i have to heal but all i want to do it hold them, pick them up, play with them.  i know they are in good hands - dray is a wonderful father and over the past few weeks he's been the best 'mr mom' and i will forever be grateful.  my family ; my parents, my sister, my mother-in-law, sister-in-laws... everyone has been there for us.  for me - someone who doesn't like to open up or ask for help - it's taken a little heaviness off my heart knowing my husband and children have them and their support.  

so here we are - healing, trying to understand it all, praying for strength and positive results, taking one day at a time.  one man and two little people are what makes me strong and a better person - and for them, and myself, i will fight.